Have you ever considered the possibility that the reason why people don’t listen is because they can’t hear you? No, I’m not referring to the physical functionality of their ears, ear drums, etc; and it’s got nothing to do with their levels of comprehension or intelligence.
There have been situations when I was listening to someone speak and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t take in a word they were saying. It was like listening to ‘white noise’ – I could hear the sounds, but I couldn’t decipher any meaning.
No matter how beneficial, or how helpful, or how important, or how essential it is to convey knowledge from one person to another; if the communication lines are broken, damaged or confused, then the knowledge becomes lifeless. Great communicators know that they must give as much attention to the delivery of their message as they do to the content. They must be masters of communication.
Master communicators are defined by one basic principle: they have an unquenchable thirst to know the differences and similarities in communication. Then, they use that knowledge as their guide to build understanding in order to forge stronger relationships, for themselves and for others.
“Ok, so how do I become a master communicator?”
Great question! Indeed, asking that question is an important move in the right direction to becoming a master communicator.
There are just 3 Secrets to Becoming a Master Communicator and, for the most part, they’re chronological, so we will occasionally refer to them as ‘steps’. Also, from this point on, we’ll replace the term ‘communication style’ and the word ‘communication’ with the word ‘FACE’.
WHY? FACE is a powerful communication that helps people and organisations to dramatically improve the effectiveness of their communication. Throughout the rest of this article you can click on the many link-words to visit the FACE website and find out more.
The 3 Secrets to Becoming a Master Communicator are these:
1. Know your FACE
2. Study people and their FACEs
3. Learn how to build FACE bridges
1. KNOW YOUR FACE
This is the first and, arguably, the most important secret of all. To be a master communicator, you must start with a deep awareness of your own FACE and your associated FACE behaviours. Incidentally, if you want to remove any barriers to the truth in this step, I highly recommend you involve people who know you intimately to provide you with input; and you should be prepared for some potentially brutal, yet liberating, honesty.
Identify the PACE element of your FACE
- Do you speak fast or slow?
- Do you finish other peoples’ sentences?
- Do you tend to make quick decisions or do you take your time?
- Do you answer questions before others have finished asking?
- Do you prefer to be a leader, a follower or just go along with the crowd?
- Would you describe yourself as mostly responsive or reactive?
Identify the RELATIONSHIP element of your FACE
- Are your words expressive and emotive?
- Do you use a lot of superlatives?
- Do you prefer to stick to the facts and keep emotions and feelings out of your vocabulary?
- How comfortable are you talking about your feelings?
- How patient are you listening to others talk about their feelings?
- How do you behave when you are interrupted or when someone talks over you?
The more intimately you know your FACE, the more empowered and capable you will be to maximise your strengths and manage your weaknesses. As the saying goes… “Knowledge is power”, including personal power.
By the way, have you got your copy of 'FACE: The Global Language'?
2. STUDY PEOPLE AND THEIR FACEs
Study people from a distance. Study people up close and personal. Even study the people in movies and on TV. Media interviews are a great source of learning. Don’t be concerned about what is being said; rather, notice how they are speaking and what they’re doing as they speak – facial expressions and body language.
When you ask questions, be sure to listen and observe. Notice the other person’s behaviours in relation to the same criteria you use to find out about your own FACE. Use all of your senses to take in every available sign, including that hard-to-explain sixth sense. Of course, for those people you don’t know so well, it’s probably a good idea to keep your sense of touch in check. J
Trying to ascertain the FACE of others is not always easy. If you haven’t previously been in the habit of making it a conscious decision, you may well feel a little weird to begin with; especially doing it during conversations. Even so, just stick with it. Like anything, ‘practice makes perfect’.
Actually, given that this isn’t an exact science and the fact that we’re dealing with humans (emotional and mostly unpredictable creatures), reaching the nirvana of ‘perfect’ will likely remain an elusive summit. That’s a good thing! In fact, it’s the very thing that keeps FACE dynamic and keeps us intrigued.
3. LEARN HOW TO BUILD FACE BRIDGES
Now that you have discovered so much more about your own FACE and have enrolled yourself as a lifetime student in the University of People; when it comes to all the FACEs you’ve observed, what did you see? If you’ve been truly committed to those first 2 steps, you will have noticed a myriad of differences in FACE, behaviour, preference and language. No, not a language like Chinese, English or Spanish; but the language of relationships.
Building FACE bridges requires just one ingredient: UNDERSTANDING. The differences we mentioned above are all differences in understanding. Each person processes information (verbal and non-verbal) according to those two FACE elements: pace and relationship. There is no right or wrong way to process, just different ways; but that’s what produces differences in understanding.
If you understand your FACE and you understand other peoples’ FACEs, you will know how to build FACE bridges. In essence, step 3 is a relatively natural by-product of the first 2 steps. The effort and commitment you put in will be evidenced in the quality of the FACE bridges you build.
There you have it… the Secrets to Becoming a Master Communicator:
Of course, this is merely an overview and there is significantly more to it than what you’ve read here. The knowledge must be given power through your actions and applications. If you’re interested to delve deeper into all things FACE, have a browse around the website: http://www.facematrix.com.au/. It’s a decision you’ll always be glad you made.
…and then, one day, someone will say to you, “Hey, you’re brilliant at communication. Would you please teach me the secrets to become a master communicator like you?”
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