It may be customers or clients. It may be colleagues, superiors or subordinates. It may be friends, distant family or that special someone you would love to be loved by. No matter who it may be, being able to roughly ascertain their communication style early in the relationship will automatically raise your state of inner-confidence and comfort. You will relax, you’ll focus, you’ll listen – I mean, really listen – and then the quality of your conversations will rise in unison with your confidence.
Cracking the code of how to read communication styles will open the door to Betterland. That's the place where you…
better understand what people want and why;
better understand how people prefer to receive information;
better understand their motivations;
better understand how to match their communication style (and to do so quickly);
ask better questions, in better ways, with better timing;
give better answers; and
get better results.
So, do you want to go to Betterland? Yes? Ok, follow me.
First things first... You really should begin by going to the FACE website and completing the 'What's Your FACE' questionnaire to find out what your communiation style is. That way you will better appreciate the differences.
Ascertaining the communication styles of others can be achieved by asking just 2 questions:
- A question that refers to the ‘Pace’ element of their communication style; and
- A question that refers to the ‘Relationship’ element of their communication style.
In more simple terms, you need to ask a details-related question, and then a feelings-related question. Of course, both questions need to have some relevance to the other person and/or their circumstances. But, before you even bother trying this on another person, you must first apply them to yourself. What’s your communication style? What are the Relationship and Pace elements of your communication style?Let’s start with your Pace. Where would you say you are on the scale below? Are you an Observer or a Driver? Are you more Cautious or Impulsive? Are you Passive or Aggressive? Are you a Follower or a Leader? Do you tend to speak Fast or Slow?
Next, consider your Relationship element. Where do you think you are on this scale? Are you Closed or Open? Are you a Private or a Public person? Would you describe yourself as Introverted or Extroverted? In conversation, do you tend to be more Reserved or Expressive? Would others consider you to be Quiet or Loud?
There’s no right or wrong, good or bad, better or worse place to be on either of those scales. You are who you are. And once you have clarity and acceptance about the Pace and Relationship of your communication style, you are then empowered to seek and understand how others communicate.
Now, just before we go into exploring the 2 questions to ask, in order to determine the communication style of another person; here’s the most important clue for making this a successful process… The answers they give you are not important. Yes, you should remember the content of their answers, but not for the purpose of ascertaining their FACE profile.
What matters is HOW they answer. It’s how they say what they say that matters most, not what they actually say. Let’s explore further, using a particular scenario…
Let’s assume you are speaking with a potential client – we’ll call her Grace – who owns and runs a small retail business.
You ask Grace a Pace question: “Grace, What’s the average number of walk-in customers you have in your business per day?” If Grace is initially quiet and doesn’t speak until she has a definite answer, this indicates that Grace is predominantly ‘Observer’ in her Pace. If she answers quickly, or is chattering as she leads up to an answer, then she is predominantly ‘Driver’ in Pace.
You then ask Grace a Relationship question: “Grace, how do you feel about the economy and the short-term future of your business?” If Grace gives you a short answer in just one or two words, this indicates that she is predominantly ‘Closed’ in Relationship. If she gives you a longer answer (flavoured with opinions, ideas and superlatives), then she is predominantly ‘Open’ in Relationship.
Your combined observations of Grace’s answers to both your questions will indicate her communication style.
This is a good place to introduce the world famous communication tool, FACE. Take a quick look at the FACE Matrix and then we’ll consider Grace’s answers again.
If Grace’s response to your Pace question was slow, with a moment of silence before she answered (Observer); and her response to your Relationship question was descriptive and conversational (Open), then Grace is most likely a FRIEND.
(Click here to check out the profile of a FRIEND)
Of course, this is not a perfect science that provides you with 100% accuracy in your assessment. However, you can be confident of gaining a better-than-average assumption of her communication (FACE) style and subsequently be able to engage more effectively in conversation with Grace, in a style that makes her (and you) feel comfortable.
“But what if Grace is not really a FRIEND? What if that’s just the way she is on the day?”
Great question!
And the answer is simple: You must communicate with people in a manner that meets their communication style at the time you’re communicating with them. If Grace’s true communication style is not normally that of a FRIEND, or if her style seems to shift the conversation progresses; then, you will need to shift your style to match.
We can also translate this knowledge and skill into a business environment, so as to improve our business results. It’s important to note that sales, negotiation, customer service and most of marketing, are all simply structured forms of communication. Therefore, it makes good sense to develop your skills and experience in all facets of communication to ensure you maximize your potential for success.
Let’s take the area of Sales, for example. The very heart of Sales is Communication. Therefore, if we master Communication, it makes sense to assume that we can master Sales. It really is that simple! A key determinant to success in sales is the Sales Conversion Ratio; which, in simple terms, means how often we turn a sales opportunity into an actual sale. There are many factors that contribute to our ability to increase our Sales Conversion Rate. How effectively we communicate with potential customers is one of those factors.
By the way, Sales is not simply restricted to the realms of business. Whilst it is a term that has been largely confined to the business or commercial worlds, the same communication process is replicated in almost every area of life. Parents are involved in sales; their customers are children. Teachers are involved in sales; their customers are students. Politicians are in sales; their customers are voters. Lovers are in sales; their customer is their partner (wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend). Priests, pastors, ministers and preachers are in sales; their customers are the people in the congregation.
As you can see, if we are able to connect with people and engage them in conversation more readily; if we are able to read their communication style by simply asking 2 questions; then we will project confidence, we will communicate comfortably, and we will enjoy greater success in our dealings with people. Indeed, we will feel more successful with life in general.
The key is communication. And, let’s FACE it; working together, we achieve more!
To find out more about FACE, go to http://www.facematrix.com.au/. FACE is all about communication. It’s a tool that helps you to communicate more effectively. At the FACE website you can find out even more about your own communication style and you can help others to understand their own communication styles. FACE can get you communicating with those potential customers in the communication style that they prefer. With practice, this can be achieved fast! The sooner you connect with their communication style, the more chance you have of turning those potentials into actuals.
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